Prank War Collaboration
by Omnitrix 12
Summary: When things get out of paw on a visit to the Hopps farmstead, our favorite officers declare war. Prank War, that is. It's an all-out grudge match written by you, the fans, to see who will trick, dupe, and trap their way to the top! Now taking submissions.
1. Chapter 1

Judy Hopps fully admitted she'd done her share of silly or immature things. As a firm rule, she made it a point to take the blame. The press conference fiasco? Yep, totally her fault. Nick's first bad fight with Taelia? She had no way of anticipating it, but yeah, that was also on her head. She was even willing to take the heat for the incident with Chief Bogo's noodles, though the truth was even she wasn't sure of everything that happened that time.

The great Prank War, though? No. To her dying day, that one was totally on Nick. Her only part in starting the mess was inviting him out to her family's farm for a few weeks of R&R. Chief Bogo had put them on leave to recover after a particularly rough case, the details of which she preferred to forget. They had nabbed the bad guys, but… well, she didn't like to think about it. Anyway, short of being shipwrecked Judy knew of no better place than her family's farm to just unplug from the world for a while. Nick had only been too happy to accept a little time out in the sticks… at least after learning the Sisters Six were away. Since he had proven him so well on his Christmas visits the family was more than happy to see him.

With all those things going well, she should have known it would be trouble. Sure enough, one evening as she was taking a turn helping her mom dry dishes, it struck… like a train.

"Hey, Mom!" called Violet, poking her head into the kitchen. "You've gotta come to the back porch! Santa's telling us the funniest story!" Violet insisted on calling Nick 'Santa,' but that's another story.

Bonnie pricked up her ears. "What about?"

The next answer made Judy's stomach lurch.

"He's telling us about the time he set Judy up for a date!"

Bonnie whipped her head around toward Judy, but Judy wasn't there. She was off like a shot, still grasping a wet glass.

* * *

_**About two minutes before…**_

Out on the back porch, Nick was at the center of attention and loving every minute of it.

"Tell us another!" someone called while the others were still cackling at his latest funny anecdote.

"Okay, okay." He paused and made a show of thinking very hard. He could almost smell the gathered kits' excitement. When he spoke again, the words came out slowly and deliberately, teasing their high-strung hopes. "Did I tell you guys about the first time a guy asked me to give your sister his number?"

Everyone sat bolt upright. "Judy has a boyfriend?!" someone cried.

Nick grinned, checking the door out of the corner of his eye. "Wellll, how about I tell you the story and you guys figure it out?"

A chorus of excited agreements came at him from all directions.

"Okay. So his name's Kevin, and he happens to be an old card buddy of mine. Well, he ended up involved in a case of ours, and when we were done and Carrots was out of earshot, he gives me his number and asks _me_ to give it to her."

One of the older girls in the bunch snorted. "Sounds pretty wimpy if he can't approach a girl himself."

"Ah ah ah, just keep listening. Anyway, since we were on a case, I figured I'd hold off on that just for a while. When we got to a snag in the case, though, Carrots started getting a little tense, and I figured she needed to… unwind a little."

This produced a mix of reactions from the group. Some snickered. Others widened their eyes and pricked up their ears as straight as they would go.

"So I told her, 'you know, Carrots, sometimes when you're stuck on a problem you need to step back and work on something you can handle.' And I gave her the guy's number."

One of the kits scrunched her face. "Since when does Judy drop anything for a date?"

This produced a chorus of murmurs as rabbits all around realized that was true. Judy was certainly the most driven of the bunch, but the flip side was that she was pretty much unanimously considered the most likely member of the Hopps brood to reach retirement age without kits.

"Ah-ha," Nick countered, raising an index claw. "There's the fun part. See, I knew she wouldn't want a date, but I also guessed she had experience telling guys she wasn't interested."

Several of the young bucks in the group grew indignant at this, but Nick pressed ahead before they could object. "What she didn't _know_ was that he didn't want to go out with her anyway. I _hadn't_ told her that this was a guy from Precinct One's tech division. He only wanted her to have his number so she'd be able to get hold of him if she needed someone good with computers."

Most of the girls in the group chorused their disappointment, but a few of the guys laughed.

"So she was turning down a guy who didn't want to ask her out?" asked a buck named Alex. "Harsh."

"Oh, that's just the warm-up. When I got his number, I dropped _him_ a hint that she might take that as a romantic gesture. So when he heard from her…"

The group collapsed in laughter. "Oh, that's _priceless!"_ someone shouted. "So what happened next?"

Nick grinned, fished out his phone, and skimmed his collection of recordings set aside for blackmail. "Well, why don't I let Carrots tell you in her own-"

"NICHOLAS WILDE, DROP THAT PHONE!"

Quick as lightning, Nick pocketed the phone. "Oops. Sorry folks! It's time for our intermission!"

Some cheetahs he knew – or one, anyway – would have been put to shame by his hasty exit. Judy, however, was close on his heels trying to ignore the chants of "Judy! Judy!" and "Nick! Nick! Nick! Nick!" that sprang up behind them. In particular, she tried to ignore the noticeable majority rooting for Nick.

* * *

Through the house the two of them raced, zig-zagging around rabbits carrying laundry, carting around household items, and some obliviously texting on their phones.

"You told me you erased that!" she shrieked, springing up to a wall and off again as she rounded a corner.

Nick vaulted over a pack of stunned kits in his continued flight. "What, you never heard of backups?"

"NICK!"

The fox held a solid lead until, darting down a staircase, he shot around a bend where it doubled back. Judy, seizing the chance, leaped over the railing and landed on the stairs below, grabbing Nick's shirt in one paw and the rail in the other. Nick's paws flew out from under him, bringing him down with a crash on the staircase.

Judy panted for breath as she slipped a step or two down to look him in the face. "Now," she told him, flush with anger and triumph, "about that recording…"

"_JUDITH LAVERN HOPPS!"_ boomed her mother's voice over the household P.A. system, _"Get to the living room right now!"_

Judy lurched at the summons, then glowered down at Nick.

"You're coming with me," she growled.

Nick raised a paw, waving his index claw back and forth. "Ah-ah-ahh, _you're_ the one she call-"

"_And bring Nick too, right this minute!"_

Seeing he was properly cornered, Nick raised his paws in surrender. "Okay, okay, but I want my one phone call."

Judy hauled him to his feet and started dragging him up to the ground floor. She knew she was making a much bigger deal over this than it was really worth, but she was too ticked off to stop herself now. "Nick, I want that phone right now, and I want to know where else you have that recording."

"Well, for that second one you'll have to get a warrant," he teased, "and technically I can't be forced to testify. For the first, I stashed the phone way before you caught me. You'll never find it in a million years."

Judy's blood pressure shot through the roof.

* * *

Bonnie Hopps was nothing if not a strict disciplinarian, and the ages of any mammal under her rule were no grounds for exception in her book.

"Judy, I know you're not as even-keeled as most does your age," she acknowledged, clasping her paws together. "But you know the rules around here and you've had Nick here long enough for him to know them too. You're setting a bad example for the kits around here."

Judy didn't even try to make a defense, other than glaring at Nick for inciting the scurry in the first place.

"Now I want you both to clean up any messes you made in the hall, and then you can report to the kitchen for dish duty."

As natural as the punishment was, Judy felt compelled to protest at this point. "Mom, I get that we have rules around here, but Nick went too far. I'm pleading extenuating circumstances."

Alas for Judy, her mother was not and would never be a lawyer; just judge, jury, and if need be executioner. "I'm done arguing about it," she insisted. "You know the rules, Hun-Bun. Dishes for three hours."

Judy sighed in resignation and made a point to step on Nick's tail as they headed off to fulfill their sentence. At least she would have if Nick hadn't whisked his tail clear.

* * *

Of course, Judy couldn't let a slight like that – and Nick getting her in trouble to top it off – go without a fight. Employing her knowledge of her vulpine vexation, she decided to hit his greatest weakness the following morning.

"Hey, Josie," she hissed, passing by one of her nieces the following morning in one of the quieter dens off the main dining room. Nick might have been a city mammal, but he liked a little solitude when he ate – and besides, the feeding frenzies in the Hopps household were sometimes enough to put a great white shark on a diet.

The kit looked up. "Yeah, Aunt Judy?"

Judy fished out a pad and colored pencil. "I need you to do me a quick favor. Could you write a couple of notes to Uncle Nick?"

Josie looked at her in confusion. "Why don't you write it?" she asked.

"Well…" Judy considered how much to say. Though her family had their misgivings about him at first, Nick was pretty popular around the warren. "I'm planning a little surprise for him, and if he knows it's from me he'll suspect what it is."

Little Josie took the bait like a starving muskie. "Okay."

Once the notes were penned, Judy watched with smug satisfaction as Josie darted off down the hall in search of Stu.

_Game on, Junior Detective._

* * *

Not too long after, Nick wandered into the den where Judy had put all in place. On one of the small tables interspersed among the chairs, there sat a platter of tarts and a thermos which he guessed must be full of coffee. A note propped among the pastries – or at least those that remained, read in what could only be a child's paw-writing, 'Rezerved for Uncl Nick. Do Not Tuch.'

_That's what I get for getting up late,_ he mused. The other note, which he had found tucked under his door, had been in the same paw, thanking him for the great stories yesterday and telling him of a special breakfast. Apparently some of the brood hadn't respected the gift, but it was the thought that counted.

Plunking into a chair, Nick considered the pastries and popped one into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. They were a bit on the dry side and tasted like someone had maybe put some salt in them by mistake, but none too bad. He opened the thermos, and the aromatic steam of hot coffee – creamed and sugared just the way he liked – wafted up. There was a slightly off scent to it, but one couldn't ask for everything.

As he was about to take a sip, Bonnie and Judy walked past, both bearing heaped baskets of folded linens. Judy chanced to glance into the room and caught sight of Nick.

"Well, look who's finally up," she announced, still sounding nonplussed with him for yesterday's stunt.

Nick just smirked back. "Well, good morning to you too, Officer Fluff. Still working off your penance?"

Judy set down her basket behind her mother, who had paused at the conversation. "Har har. As a matter of fact, no. I'm just helping out today."

Bonnie pushed her paws against the small of her back. "Ohh, I'm getting too old for this," she complained. "Mind some company, Nick? I need to sit a moment."

Nick waved her in, then glanced over at Judy. She had been glancing at the tray of snacks, then at the thermos in Nick's paw. "I heard about the special breakfast," she quipped. "Maybe you should try telling them about the carrot pen sometime."

"Ah-ah-ah," he objected, waving an index claw. "You know I have the right to remain silent."

He half-expected her to make some quip about it being a shame he didn't use that right more often. Maybe the fact that she didn't was responsible for his sudden fit of consideration, or maybe he just happened to look over at Bonnie. Or maybe, just maybe, he'd figured out what Judy had planned.

It was a secret he would vow to take to his grave.

"You know," he ventured, stepping to Mrs. Hopps, "I haven't touched this yet, and you look like you could use a pick-me-up."

Bonnie looked touched. Judy looked ill.

"Oh, now that is just so sweet of you, Nick," said the elder doe, laying a paw on her chest, "but I'm fine, really. You don't have to."

"No, no, I insist," he pressed. There was no mistaking the way Judy was squirming now on the sideline… if you happened to be looking her way. Bonnie's attention was fixed on Nick.

"It's your coffee, Nick, and you're a guest."

"And you've been working hard all morning." As he spoke, he poured some of the hot liquid into the thermos' cap, which was the sort designed to double as a mug. "Here, just have some of it."

There was no resisting the fox's charm, and besides that Bonnie did feel a bit of coffee would be just what the doctor ordered.

"Well, okay. I guess a drink couldn't hurt."

"Mom, wai-!"

It was too late. The mug met Bonnie's lips, her eyes flew open, and as Nick dexterously sidestepped, Bonnie sprayed the coffee over everything within a good four feet in front of her. Once the offending liquid was out of her mouth, she began to cough and gag while Judy thumped her on the back.

"Heavens to biscuit!" the older doe grimaced. "What on earth was that?"

Nick smirked. "Well, you'd probably have to ask Carrots, but if I had to guess I'd say it was the old pepper-in-the-coffee gag."

Bonnie turned her gaze on Judy, who shrank under her scrutiny. Before the younger doe could say anything, though, the elder threw up her paws.

"Okay, fine. You two sort this out. Just clean up your messes and don't burn the house down." With that she picked up her basket and stalked out of the room before poking her head back in a moment later.

"And no running in the house. I mean it!"

Judy took a deep breath and turned a glaring gaze on Nick. He, in turn, just smiled and slipped his paws into his pockets. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Carrots," he gloated. "You just picked a fight way outside your level, that's all."

He might as well have slapped her in the face with a mail gauntlet. "Oh, get over yourself. You are _not_ above my level."

"I've got about a decade more of experience that says I am," he pointed out.

"Excuse me, did you forget the carrot pen? I can take you any day of the week."

"Sure you can… as long as it doesn't end in 'y.'"

Judy knew she was letting him get her riled, but she couldn't really help that. Stalking across the distance between them, she raised herself up to glare straight into his face. Nick knew well enough to be slightly worried now, but he maintained a cool exterior.

"You know you have gorgeous eyes, right?"

Like most arguments, there was a point where they lost track of who had said certain things and neither could quite agree afterward with the other's account. They did recall, though, that that was where the bet was made: First to prank the other twenty-five times was the winner. The loser, in turn, would have to face a penalty of the victor's choosing.

"Only no damage," Judy stipulated, recalling her mom's firm 'you make a mess, you clean it up' rule.

"No major damage," Nick haggled, as much to needle her as to gain some leeway.

Judy thought about arguing that further, but figured she'd gain as much freedom as she lost there. Instead she turned it to another bargaining point. "I'll buy that if you promise nothing risque."

"Oh, now, come on," Nick protested, laying a paw on his chest with a wide-eyed mock-wounded look. "Would I ever subject you to an indecent prank?"

"Mystic Springs, pal. Mystic Springs. Nothing risque on the pranks."

"Or the penalty, I suppose," he countered, his face plainly gloating that Judy was already bracing herself for defeat.

She scowled, reading his expression. "Well we both know I'm not going to go there when I win – which I will. But yeah, those are my rules. Take 'em or leave 'em."

The prospect of barraging Judy with shenanigans was too good to pass up. Nick stuck out a paw. "Officer Fluff, you've got a deal."

Judy inspected the paw very closely before shaking.

* * *

**And there you are, folks! In the words of the Dread Pirate Roberts, "The battle of wits has begun."**

**In case you didn't know, this is going to be a little different from my usual creations. _Prank War _is my first attempt at a group collab project. If you're familiar with Cimar's collaborations, this one operates on a similar basis. I'll take care of the chapters most essential to the plot, such as this one (of course), but for the majority of this project I'll be taking chapters submitted by you the fans. What pranks will Nick and Judy pull? Will they win, lose, or tie? How much chaos can Bunnyburrow and the city of Zootopia take from the Martial Mammals of Mayhem? Most importantly… who wins?**

**The answer… is up to you!**

**Submission Process: You send an idea to evaluate, write the chapter and send it, and I make the chapters fit into an overall story line (e.g. any statements tracking the scores).**

**Rules: Chapters must be 1-3 thousand words long (if you have trouble with length I can try to help you flesh it out). Author's Notes such as this one can push it past that point, but please try not to go overboard with that.  
Prank War is not part of any given story line, either my own or anyone else's, except that of the movie itself. References to other stories or incidents pertaining thereto will be handled on a case-by-case basis, but in general as long as it's not too involved it should be fine (see the nods to _Santa Clawed_ and _Something Stinks_ as examples; for anything more involved, feel free to ask).**

**Chains of pranks are allowed (e.g. a sequence of booby traps building off one another), but limited to four or five tops per chain. Chapters by a given author can be sequential if prepared well in advance.**

**This story is intended to be rated PG-13 at most, so ideas and chapters will be vetted accordingly. Please be tasteful.**

**Last but not least, have fun!**


	2. An Old Classic by Firnen

It had been a few uneventful days since they agreed to the terms and unofficially started the prank war. "Unofficially" because since then neither Nick nor Judy had made a decisive move against their rival. One could think that they would each be frantically trying to prank the other, but each of them had good enough reasons for biding their time.

In Judy's case, since the very beginning, she'd had her mind occupied with two things. Firstly, thinking of a good prank to catch her "once hustler" friend, and secondly keeping an eye on her surroundings. After the amount of time she had spent around him, she had learned that Nick could be really... creative. Not a single officer or detective, not even the Chief, had been spared from his jokes. Although there never was any solid evidence pointing at Nick as the culprit, Judy knew better and was determined to break his winning streak.

Nick's reason was completely different. He liked to consider himself a gentlemammal, and after Judy's first prank attempt failed before the bet even started, he decided to let her have the first move. (He obviously didn't tell her this. Why would he?) To any outsider, Nick was being overconfident.

That was the daily situation in the Hopps Burrow... keyword 'was'. Until this, unusually quiet day, arrived. All the younger kids, as well as the older ones assigned to take care of them, were sent to spend the day camping on the shore of a lake not much far north of the property. Leaving behind only a few mammals, including Judy's parents and the aforementioned duo.

Stu and Bonnie had stayed because they still needed to take care of stuff on the farm, and they trusted their older kids to keep everyone out of trouble.

Nick chose to stay because, as much as he enjoys being surrounded by the kerfluffle, he though having a quiet and peaceful day would be just as good.

As for Judy, she wasn't about to leave Nick alone in the burrow, just to return later to a house full of traps waiting for her. Besides, she had a few plans of her own for the smug todd.

.

Nick woke up late that morning, and after a necessary trip to the bathroom, he made his way to the kitchen. He knew that the day in the Hopps's burrow started awfully early, at an hour that he could only describe as 'unholy', but he was hoping that at least there might be something left from breakfast for him. Halfway there, however, he ran into Stu.

"Just the mammal I was looking for! Good morning Slick Nick." Stu greeted the fox with an optimistic smile on his face. "Hey, you think you can help me today? With everyone else out at the lake I could use an extra paw or two around the farm."

"Sure thing, but uh…" Nick was interrupted by the grumbling sound of his stomach, which decided that it was a good time to make its presence known.

"Heh. You mind if I have some breakfast first?" he finished with his paw awkwardly straying to the area in question.

The brown rabbit laughed wholeheartedly at this. "Looks like you are out of luck. Bonnie is tending her flowers with Judy, and since the frozen lemons incident she never leaves the kitchen unlocked when she isn't nearby."

Nick visibly deflated upon hearing this. "Oh..."

Stu smiled seeing his reaction and, already knowing the fox, he offered. "But tell you what, you could come and have some blueberries while we collect them. How's that sound?"

Nick's ears perked and with a paw on his chest he over dramatically said "Ooh, you're evil. You found my weakness and make me an offer I can't refuse. How dare you?" But without trying to hide his smile he concluded. "Okay, count me in."

Stu laughed at Nick's theatrics and motioned for him to follow. "Come on then, those blueberries won't collect themselves, and there are some other things that need to be done around. After that we will be back for lunch."

.

A few hours and a lot of crates with blueberries later (there could have been more if not for Nick), both of them were finally on their way back. As they approached the house, Nick could see Bonnie was sitting on the back porch. 'I wonder where Carrots might be' He thought.

"Hi Bon," Stu said. "You finished early with your flowers."

"Hello you two. Yes, we finished an hour or so ago." She then looked at Nick. "Since there are only the four of us, Judy told me that she wanted to prepare lunch for us today and asked to send you her way as soon as you came back."

After hearing this Stu's and Nick's eyes widened. "Are you telling me that Jude the Dude is cooking? Are you sure about this Bon? Cooking was never one of her best skills." Flashbacks of burned salads passed through Stu's mind.

Bonnie gave him a carefree gesture with her paw. "Oh, you worry too much Stu. Judy said that she has been taking classes recently." Nick snickered but quickly put a paw in front of his snout, not wanting to make her think he was laughing at her. She looked at him slightly worried. "What?"

Nick uncovered his muzzle. "Well, she's been taking classes alright. She made a very nice soup last time…"

That had Stu and Bonnie sighing in relief. Until…

"…but not before burning the water." Nick tried to contain his laughter but failed miserably. "Twice."

Judy's parents looked at each other with concern plastered on their faces, suddenly feeling grateful that everyone else was out at the lake. Then the Hoops matriarch looked at Nick. "Would you mind..."

"Going and make sure she doesn't burn the entire kitchen? I'm already on my way." Nick finished for her, with his tail already disappearing through the door frame and into the house. He won't ever admit it, but Nick himself was also worried about what disaster may be waiting for him.

.

Upon nearing the kitchen, Nick noticed the complete absence of the smell of smoke (which was a surprise, truth needs to be told), but instead, another smell was present… one he failed to identify before opening the kitchen's door.

None of the possible scenarios that crossed his mind could have prepared him for what he saw in there. What he found looked like it was taken from a crime scene. There was blood everywhere: there was blood on the chairs, there was blood on the tables, there was blood on the ceiling, there was blood on blood...

And on the floor, in the center of all the mayhem, was Judy.

"JUDY!" Nick shouted in despair and ran to her side. "No, no, nonono. Judy talk to me! Please!"

"BLOOD!" Judy shouted and raised her paw grabbing him by the tie. "Blood! Blood! And... death."

"AHH! B-But w-what-? Wait…" Nick's brain was still trying to process what just happened.

"You should have seen your face Slick, it was priceless." Judy smirked. "I guess I win the first point."

Just then everything clicked, and Nick facepawed, the smell from before was ketchup. A lot of ketchup. "A prank, it was all a prank" He still sighed relieved.

"Yup." Said a still smirking Judy. "And you totally fell for it."

"Not funny. You scared me half to death there Fluff." He hugged her tightly. "No more pranks about being dead, please."

Not wanting to think about how her reaction would be if she was on the receiving end of a similar stunt orchestrated by Nick, she agreed with him "Ok, ok, I promise." She said hugging him in return. "You foxes, so emotional."

Just then the emotional moment was cut short by a loud thump on the floor, and they turned around to find Stu collapsed in front of the kitchen's door with Bonnie sighing next to him. "I fully expect you to clean this mess Judy" She then grabbed Stu by the foot and dragged him out of the kitchen while mumbling "At least there wasn't any fire".

Nick helped Judy to her feet. "Well, you heard her, while you're busy I will go to the town to buy us something for lunch. See you later Carrots." And after saying that Nick took a quick escape through the kitchen door.

Judy huffed and mumble something about traitorous foxes. But she started cleaning with a smile on her face. She claimed the first point of the prank war and was ahead of Nick.

But sometimes the simplest of pranks can be just as effective. And Judy understood that when, later that day, she found herself cleaning maple syrup from her tail.

.

It was going to be a long war…


	3. Duck! (by Omnitrix12)

Judy slipped along the hallway, jar in paw, towards Nick's guest room early in the morning a day or two after the syrup prank. Keeping her ears pricked, she listened for the telltale sound of the fox's snores from the closed door.

"He's already gone."

The voice behind her caused her to whirl around, not screaming on account of her training although she certainly wanted to. The jar slipped from her grasp, forcing her to scramble for it until she had a firm hold again before she confronted her stalker. There stood Marcy, kicked out of summer camp early this year, looking customarily smug with folded arms and half-lowered lids.

"Point for Nick," the younger doe chirped brightly. "He said you'd probably come down here."

Sighing in annoyance, Judy rolled her eyes heavenward. "It doesn't count if someone else does it for you," she objected. Okay, so technically that wasn't one of the rules they had set, but it _was _a fairly standard rule in any conflict. Besides, it was a standard code for prank wars in the Hopps warren, which would at least keep her safe until she could rope Nick into it too.

"Okay, then I got to prank you," Marcy replied, not at all bothered by being stuck as a bystander. "Oh, he locked the door too, fyi. And he said something about traps in case you tried to get him while you were gone."

Judy did her best not to let her disappointment show. Knowing Nick the part about traps could be just a bluff to keep her from trying to rig his room in his absence. It could just as easily, of course, be a gamble that she would make that assumption, try to sneak in, and get clobbered by who knew what kind of shenanigans.

"Did he say where he was going?" she asked.

"He did," Marcy replied, "but I promised I wouldn't tell him."

Judy fumed. She could go asking around for anyone else who knew, but she knew how good Nick was at sneaking away. Nope, there had to be some other way to find out.

"Marcy," she began, putting on her best interrogation smile, "remember that IOU from a while back, over not telling Jason who showed Mom the pictures of him and his girlfriend?"

Marcy's ears fell. "You wouldn't."

"Well…"

It was no contest. "Fishing down at Rabberts' Pond."

Judy considered that for a moment, and a smile took over her face. With her free paw she dipped into her pocket, where she had a few bills stashed away. If she could just convince Marcy to trade days off with her for a day, and get her paws on a few supplies…

* * *

Nick hummed blissfully down by Rabberts' pond. The neighboring family was smaller than the Hopps clan, but close friends and in-laws a few times told, so it was well accepted that any friend of the Hoppses was a friend of theirs. Tucked away on their back forty with his line in a little marshland pond… ah, there was nothing like it, especially for a city fox who rarely got to go fishing. A small cluster of trees casting their shade over him rendered the scen about as perfect as it could be short of a fish grabbing the bait.

A movement in the reeds on the far side of the pond caught his attention, and his thoughts moved to Judy. "Nice try, Carrots. Come on out."

A moment later something did emerge, but it wasn't Judy.

_Quack! Quack!_

Nick shook his head. _Only a duck,_ he thought, unconsciously licking his lips. He'd had duck once for dinner with Taelia and developed an instant liking for the birds, and between that and a light breakfast he instantly thought how nice it would be to have some duck for lunch. Fortunately for the bird but not for him, he had left his gun back in the city at Precinct One when he went on vacation. Besides, he wasn't even sure if the Rabberts would let him hunt on their land, assuming ducks were even in season at the moment. Between that and the fact that he doubted whether anyone in the Hopps warren knew how to prepare duck, he settled for just shrugging off the whole thing and returning to his hopes of a nice bass or trout.

The duck zig-zagged across the pond, quacking regularly. Expert though he wasn't on live waterfowl, Nick noticed that this one seemed unusually rigid. Even as it occasionally bobbed its head, it looked stunted and unnatural.

_Ah-ha. A mechanical decoy. So she _is_ around here somewhere._ "You can come on out, Carrots," he called as a duck came down into the water next to the first. "I know you're there."

Judy didn't appear, but more ducks came down. At one point a plunk sounded, and a tiny splash appeared in the water. One of the real ducks made a dive for something, and the others all joined in each trying to be the first at whatever it was. Another plunk followed, then another, and another. Nick couldn't see where the projectiles were coming from or what they were, but obviously the ducks were quite fond of them.

The decoy, and the plunking, began to move towards his bobber.

"Oh, criminy," he murmured, reeling in the line a short way. Odds were against his catching anything now with the birds stirring up the water, but he wasn't about to give Judy the satisfaction of making him pack it in all at once. Besides, if he did catch something now it would be the perfect way to counter her victory and perhaps an argument for not counting this prank to her score.

To his annoyance, the decoy – still quacking – continued to lead the other ducks towards his bobber, as did the ongoing battery of treats. At least now he had managed to make out what they were – halved grapes. He had learned from Taelia that this was prime duck cuisine, and that contrary to popular opinion it was a very bad idea to feed bread to ducks. Judy, evidently, was also aware of that fact and using it to spoil his trip.

"Okay, okay," he relented, drawing in the line the rest of the way at last. He knew when he'd been beaten, and he was already brainstorming how to get back at Judy for this. Maybe if he could find one of those giant inflatable duckies one sometimes saw in pools, he could leave it in Judy's bed right at the end of a long day – with a bucket or two of pond water all over the sheets for a _coup de gras._

While he was packing his things, though, the fall of grapes suddenly ended. He paused as the ducks gobbled up the ones still in the water and then looked around for more.

He had just enough time to wonder if she had run out of ammo when a whole payload of grapes dumped straight onto him. That was the last thing he remembered before the whole world turned Alfred Hutchcock.

Quite literally over the cacophony of quacks and his own cries for help – somewhat muffled once he slipped on the grapes and fell face down in the grass – he could hear the sound of Judy laughing hysterically as she hung for dear life onto a tree branch directly above.

At long last the bizarre assault ended, leaving Nick smeared all over in mud and grape pulp, festooned here and there with feathers and grass. Judy dropped an empty bucket out of the tree and then jumped down herself, still chuckling as she piloted the now lonely decoy toward shore and retrieved it.

Nick rose to a sitting position and blew through his nostrils to clear away the muck. He pointed one index claw at Judy.

"You," he remarked, "are a very mean person."

"And you are a very sore loser," she remarked cheerfully.

He sighed, but forced a sheepish grin. If he was going to fall prey (har har) to an elaborate stunt like this, he could at least take it like a fox. "Okay," he replied, forcing a chuckle. "You got me. Bravo, Officer Fluff." He clapped his paws in a sarcastic manner.

She smirked. "Someone should have told you," she gloated, "but Gideon comes down here all the time and feeds the ducks when he needs to relax. They're used to foxes meaning snack time."

Nick groaned, rising to his feet. If he'd known that he could have caught one of the birds by paw any time. "So you just used the decoy to make sure they'd show up, and then- wait a second, why do you even have a decoy? Your family doesn't hunt."

"Alex used it for a science project a few years ago," she explained. "He wanted to see just how much he could influence the real ducks with a model. Even made his own duck calls from scratch. 'Commander Duck,' he called it."

Getting the sense that the fates had conspired for years to set this trap for him, Nick collected his tackle box and put the pole over his shoulder and followed after the skipping rabbit. It crossed his mind to see if he could snag a hook in the fluff of Judy's tail – or her shirt, maybe – without actually injuring her, but he decided against it. "Alright, fair's fair. Score's now, what, two to one?"

"Three to one," she answered brightly, turning toward him triumphantly and propping her fists on her hips.

"Three? Wait, but I thought-"

He stopped in dead silence as for the first time he noticed a familiar item attached to her person. It wasn't police issue, but he still knew a body cam when he saw one.

"How long has that been running?" he asked.

"Since I got up the tree," she smiled. "Dad has a rule that any buck dating one of us does has to wear a camera and live stream throughout all dates, so I just borrowed one."

Nick facepawed, remembering too late that his paws were still covered in grape mud. "That still only counts as one."

* * *

To his credit, he kept a dignified demeanor as he entered the rabbits' domicile amid laughs, replays, and loud remarks of "best science project ever" and "Alfred Hutchcock couldn't have done better." To Judy's credit, she admitted no credit when Nick reached the guest bathroom only to discover a parade of rubber ducks leading from the drain, up and over the side of the tub (thanks to some of those adhesive mounting strips), and into neat files standing at attention before a two-foot-high ducky seated on a throne of assorted bathroom articles. That, apparently, had been the work of the Sisters Six.

When he went to emerge from the bathroom and came face to face with a giant inflatable ducky, however, he knew at once who was the culprit.

"Three to one!" Judy called.

**I credit this idea to James Veitch, author of the nefarious Rubber Duck Invasion (you can see it on YouTube in the video "James Veitch is a Terrible Roommate," excerpted from the Conan O'Brian Show). Obviously I had to change it up a little since 1) I wanted to be more creative, and 2) the Duck Invasion required a significantly longer time frame than I wanted to use for this chapter. So I threw my own creative spin on it, and hopefully it was as much fun for you as it was for me.**

**Oh, and definitely watch the clip, unless you have a heart condition. You could literally die laughing. It's terrible.**

**Easter Eggs:**

**An Actual Family Reality Show**

**Lord of the Rings**


	4. Birthday Busted (by Omnitrix12)

**Hey everyone! So, since today's my birthday, I wanted to do something special. So hopefully by the end of the day I'm posting four - count 'em, four - chapters today on my various WIPs. So when you're done reading this (and if you haven't already, feel free to fave, follow, and review), be sure to check out my other birthday gifts to my dear readers:  
Rendez-Bleu  
Oc Albums: Taelia  
Road Rovers Rebooted 02: Out of the Blue  
**

**Meant to post Night Plague and Something Stinks too, but I'm still waiting on my proofreader for the one and having file issues with the other. Anyway, happy reading!**

Large families, while normal in Bunnyburrow, tended to beget certain quirks quite strange to outsiders – especially when it came to birthdays. Reusable boxes painted rather than wrapped were something of a norm, since with so many birthdays a year some families could have gone broke just on gift wrap. Another was that presents were often given by groups rather than individuals, which had the handy effect of making it take only two hours to open one's presents instead of nine or ten. Plus, since no one could afford to get a new closet every year for all the new clothes, toys, and other goodies, gift cards or single-use gifts like food were much more accepted than in other areas.

The Hopps family had one special rule of their own: birthday bucks or buns were off-limits for pranking. This was admittedly not so much to avoid spoiling someone's special day or producing embarrassing photos of someone trying to blow out their candles when their fur had been dyed green. Rather, it was chiefly done because birthdays provided too many opportunities for gag gifts, trick wrapping jobs, switched name tags, and on and on down the list of stunts as numerous the brains available to add to it.

One pleasant side effect of this was that in spite of the inevitable conflicts and feuds in a large family, everyone had at least one day a year when they could breathe freely. Judy, having narrowly avoided several stunts by Nick in the past few days, was only too glad to take advantage of the reprieve.

"Open this one next, Judy!" called Alex, lifting up a box painted rather than wrapped in camouflage colors.

Judy took the box with a somewhat strained smile and read the accompanying card, signed by at least a dozen of her siblings. Group gifts were often encouraged, in as much as having one gift per ten or more rather than one gift each trimmed down a great deal on time. Even so, it felt like she'd been opening presents for hours, especially since the family had made a particular point of her birthday with her being out of town for it most years (to mixed reactions, unsurprisingly, from her fellow birthday does and bucks). While she appreciated the thought that had gone into it and was looking forward to a few purchases she'd be making later, at the moment she was beginning to feel a little bogged down.

Opening the box, she dug through some packaging and unearthed a small locket which opened to reveal a dime set in the metal.

"My lucky dime," explained David, raising a paw. David was one of Jordy's littermates and perhaps the most endearing of the young bucks in the brood. "Dad supplied the materials, and Alex and the rest worked together on making it. Now we won't worry so much about you."

Judy was deeply touched by the gift. David had found that dime on the sidewalk one winter day, and as he was picking it up a slushball had whizzed over his head. Since then he was convinced the coin was good luck and never went anywhere without it.

"That's so sweet of you, David," she approved. "And I really like the rest of it, too! Thanks everyone!"

Stu clapped his paws once as if to signal the next gift. "Now, who's next? Anyone?"

"Here you go, Carrots," Nick chimed, bringing in a box which, by its shape and proportions, unmistakably held clothes.

Judy eyed Nick cautiously. She couldn't recall whether anyone had told him about the No Pranking Someone on Their Birthday rule, and after the last few days she wasn't sure what he might be up to. Besides, she'd noticed a canister of itching powder in the garbage that morning, and while it was nothing definite, she didn't want to take chances.

"Relax, Jude," Stu assured her. "I told him about the rule."

Much relieved, Judy opened the box and lifted out a T-shirt the same shade of blue as her uniform. Across the front in bold white letters, it read, 'Say that to my face.'

"A bit over the top," Nick confessed, "but when I saw it I couldn't help thinking of you."

Judy laughed, remembering some of the remarks he'd made when they first met. He must have had those in mind when he bought it.

"Thanks," she said brightly.

"Go try it on!" Marcy chimed from the sidelines.

Judy frowned a moment, glancing from her mischief-prone sibling to the equally shrewd fox. "I'll put it on," she agreed, "if Nick rubs it on his arm first."

Nick scrunched his face in confusion. "You want me to what?"

"Ohh, I think she likes you," teased Marcy. Several titters arose; mingled scents were a common indicator of romance.

Judy shot the kit a poisonous look before returning her attention to Nick. "Call me paranoid, but I saw the empty can of itching powder."

"Hey, now, did you forget there's over a hundred kids running around?" Nick protested. "Besides. Your dad _told_ me you were off-limits as the birthday girl."

"True, but that's a family rule and you're not part of the family," she reasoned, holding out the shirt. "Just humor me."

With a look of deeply wounded dignity, Nick took the shirt and gave it a vigorous rub on his arm before handing it back. "Sly bunny," he conceded with an air of fatigue.

She resisted the urge to answer 'dumb fox' and slipped into the next room to try the shirt on. To her relief, it didn't itch.

* * *

To make up for her excessive wariness, Judy wore the shirt for the rest of the party and made it a point to be nice to Nick. Curiously, however, she noticed that as the proceedings continued he scratched his arm; lightly and absently at first, but with increasing intensity until after a while he excused himself.

Much as she eschewed paranoia, she discreetly asked Jordy to see where Nick went. The young buck took off and in short order reappeared in the doorway. He waved to Judy and then mimed washing his arm vigorously.

Judy's itch grew more intense.

* * *

Within an hour, Judy's whole torso was itching as if her new shirt was made of poison ivy. As soon as the proceedings were over – as they had to be sometime on a busy farm – she made a beeline for her room. Yanking open her drawers, she hastily grabbed a fresh set of clothes and bustled off for the nearest shower… and then the next nearest, and the next nearest.

"Fine day to have plumbing problems," she grumbled, scratching vigorously at her back. The scratches were starting to hurt, but she couldn't stop. It was driving her nuts.

When she finally found a shower, she couldn't get in there fast enough. Throwing her clothes down the chute, she jumped into the spray and lathered herself over and over until she was positive the hateful powder was gone. Her skin was sore in a few places, but at least she didn't feel like she had bugs in her fur anymore. No words could describe her relief as she dried off and put on her clean clothes.

As mentioned, farm life on the Hopps farm could only be halted for just so long. Even then she would have had the day off if not for her trade with Marcy to play the Duck Attack stunt on Nick. As a trade-off she was given one of the more relaxed jobs, cleaning and peeling various vegetables with several other family members on the back porch. As was usual, they made a game out of it; racing to see who could peel the most carrots the fastest. Wearing chain mail gloves – a mandate for the competition – added to the challenge of maintaining dexterity once they got really wet and slick with carrot juice.

About an hour into the contest, as Judy was going full tilt (she was nothing if not competitive, even at peeling carrots), one of the other does called out to her.

"Hey, Judy, why are you twitching like that?"

Judy frowned, pausing in her peeling until her teammates called for her to keep going. "Like what?" she asked as she went back to peeling.

"You keep rubbing your back on the chair like you've got an itch."

Judy faltered and almost dropped the vegetable peeler. Now that Joanne mentioned it, she was itching. Itching badly as a matter of fact.

'_Rrrrgh!'_

Valiantly she tried to focus on the carrots; to think about anything but the itching. It couldn't be that bad; the powder must just be residual. Yet the more she tried to ignore it, the worse it got. Finally she couldn't take it any longer.

"Tag out!" she shouted, dropping her carrot and the peeler and racing out of there, tossing her safety gloves over her shoulder amid groans and calls of protest from her allies.

'_He's dead for this,'_ she thought to herself, clamping her teeth shut as she raced back to her room, grabbed another set of clothes, and went back to the showers. Thankfully someone must have fixed the one second-closest to her room, and with great relief she ran in to wash herself off. This time she scrubbed so vigorously it might not have been her scratching that left her fur thinner in spots when she was done. She paused for a long moment after drying and dressing to make sure she had gotten rid of all the powder. Then she went back to her task, which had moved on to peeling and washing lettuce, already musing what she might do to get Nick back for this.

Half an hour later, however, she was headed back to the shower. At least this time she'd had time to tell her siblings what Nick had done. What made it even more exasperating was that before it was only her top half that itched. Now her legs were acting up too.

"How did he get it in my-?!" she started to rant when the truth dawned on her. Nick had taken laundry duty for her hallway the night before, and to top it off in all her hastes she'd forgotten to lock her door on her past two stops.

"That dirty, low-down, sneaky little-!" she stopped herself, well aware that in that house younger ears could easily be nearby – or, worse yet, her mother's. Half-crazy with itching, she went to the nearest of her siblings' rooms and borrowed some clean clothes from a sister close enough to her size. She'd have to apologize to – she checked the back of the shirt collar – Amelia later, but right now this was an emergency.

This time she discovered – to her great displeasure – that parts of her body looked like she'd been hit with sarcoptic mange. If she'd been the type to show off her body at the beach she would have been devastated, but as it was she was mostly just ticked off. She consoled herself with the thought that she had at least managed to get the best of Nick this time.

That is, she thought she had until she noticed a peculiarly sweet smell in the shower… and how sticky the water felt. She slapped a paw to her forehead, hardly even caring that it was somewhat harder to remove it than otherwise.

'_Jelly beans. Jelly beans in the shower head.'_

"NICHOLAS WILDE, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

* * *

Nick wisely didn't show himself anywhere near Judy for the rest of the day, though she found a note from him on her door announcing that the score stood four to three. Her parents promised, of course, to make him make up for this drastic breach of trust, but by the time that conversation rolled around, she had gotten back enough composure to take it calmly. All was fair in love and war, after all.

Before going to bed that night, she carted all her clothes down to the laundry room to wash them thoroughly. Then, realizing that his counting this as three pranks probably meant some stunt with the laundry, went and got a fresh jug of detergent from the closet at the other end of the house. Then, just to be extra-sure, she went and picked the lock on his door, gathered all his clothes, and brought them down to wash too. If anything happened to her laundry, he'd be in the same boat now.

As she bedded down that night, tired and sore from all her scratching, she found a note under her blankets which ticked her off more than all the other shenanigans put together.

'_Thanks. I needed my laundry done. Love, Nick. P.S. I never powdered your present. I just scratched and washed to mess with your head. 5/3.'_

The note was bad enough, but the change in numbers was too much to take at that hour. Putting her bedding down the nearest laundry room, she trudged down the hall to her nearest sister.

"Angela?" she called, knocking on the door.

"Yes?" came a voice from within.

Judy knew this could be what Nick had in mind, but under the circumstances she'd take the lesser annoyance now and make him pay later. "Can I bunk with you? I think Nick powdered my bed."

**Despite rushing to finish this project for the Birthday Post Parade, I had a lot of fun writing this; not only with the pranks but also with the world building. Writing about a Hopps birthday gave me pause to think about what birthdays would be like in a rabbit warren, what with so many birthdays per year and so many birthday bucks and does per birthday. As a devoted recycler and upcycler I enjoyed weaving in details about how the rabbits might minimize the impact of so many parties.**

**The idea of a carrot-peeling contest was drawn – as stated – from the classic farm game of having a corn husking bee, and seemed almost inevitable with so many mouths to feed. I added chain mail gloves (which I once wore as mandatory equipment in a grocery store's sea food department) as a little extra, since racing with knives would be bound to end badly without them.**


End file.
